Mel's World

Ok, so it’s time to get everything organized again!  I am a fairly organized person but its definitely a never ending battle (and love) for me.  I loooooove to organize just about anything and I am always organizing around my house but I am not the best at keeping things tidy in those organized areas.  I tend to throw things here and there when I get in a hurry and that leads to more organizing.  Which now that I think about it….that may be the very reason I don’t keep it tidy…so I can organize it again!  

I have decided to take it room by room and slowly get it just how I want it.  I am gonna work out a schedule and get down to business and then do my very best to keep it that way.  I want this to be a smooth, fun summer with loads of memories that don’t involve cleaning.  I want to cherish these sweet moments that I have with my babies while they are still so young and wide-eyed, seeing and learning things for the first time.

Not only does an organized home make me feel more free, in control, it gives me more time and I believe it also keeps other things in control like finances, meal planning, cooking and so on.  Oh the loveliness of order!!!!  I’m gonna get my schedule in order and post it soon.  I need to decide if I want to make this a slow, couple of rooms a week kinda thing or start organizing boot camp at night after the kids go to bed….hmmmmm…..  I’m sure I can convince Donnie to start some kind of computer gaming boot camp at night if I so decide!  😉

So Oprah has always talked about doing a daily gratitude journal and how much it has improved her life in so many ways.  I can see where it would be good to sit down at the  end of your day and jot down what you were grateful for that day.  It is a great reminder for sure of the blessed lives that we live.  I have done this a few times but never faithfully.  I just never stuck with it for more than a few weeks at a time.

When I am getting in bed at night, I don’t tend to think of the things that I am grateful for but the things that I regret not doing that day.  Today I spent the entire day with Donnie here at home with me and I regret not loving on him more.  Yes I could say we were so busy with the kids, cooking, cleaning, football (yep, football) but that would just be a cop out, excuse, whatever you wanna call it.  The day is now over and I KNOW that I could have spent this day better by really engaging with my sweet husband.  What a freaking waste!!!!!!  My loss for sure!  AHHHH!  Makes me ill at myself!  Anyway, enough purging my irritation with myself here.  I decided that instead of journaling what I am grateful for every night, I will journal what I regret I didn’t do, say and so on.  Maybe I will be become more conscience of how I am spending my time and the next day I will be sure not to make the same mistake.

If I was truly brave, I would post it here every night but I don’t know that I have the courage to let everyone know me that well.  hmmmm…..will I regret that one day???  Who knows.  But for now I’m gonna go snuggle with my sweetie!!

Years ago I read a book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.  One of the four agreements that he says you should make with yourself is “be impeccable with your word.”  I have been thinking about such things a lot lately.  I consider myself to be a busy woman with a lot on my plate.  I tend to get overwhelmed sometimes and have been trying to figure out how to keep things a bit more steady, simple.  I started noticing things I would think or say out loud.  Things like, “I am soooooo tired”, “everything is such a mess”, ” I will never get things together” and the list goes on and on and on.  When I think these things lately, they are followed up by, “you’re not tired, your friends mother who is battling cancer is tired”, and “that wonderful woman who died and left her two children and husband would give anything to have one more day with whiny kids and a messy house.”  And then I think of the wonderful mothers in my life who have lost babies and how they would give anything to have them all here with them making their life absolute chaos right now.  I know that is probably very depressing to read but that’s what I have been thinking!  These women are teaching me on a daily basis what hardship is and hardship is not something I know about when you get serious about it all.

So I guess what I’m saying is I’m trying to be more impeccable with my words and thoughts.  Am I reeeaaallllly that tired??  Maybe.  But is it worth complaining about?  Probably not.  Am I an incredibly blessed woman?  Absolutely.  Because of these women I will be a better woman, wife and mother.

So the holidays are here and I am feeling a major urge to purge!  I can just feel all of the fabulous toys, books, clothes, etc. coming our way.  I envision it all sitting on my kitchen table and counter tops for days on end while I walk in circles feeling desperate for organization.  In my panic ridden state,  I am trying to calm myself by getting rid of excess clutter and get things organized before the avalanche of Christmas cheer comes our way!  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE it all!  I am one of the culprits myself but I MUST be prepared!  Being prepared seems to always be my goal but I tend to fall short just near the finish line every time.  I will reach my goal this Christmas! I think I can!  I think I can!!

Entering stage left: Project Craigslist!!  Everybody has heard of Craigslist and most have checked it out or used it at some point.  For some, it is an obsession.  I have browsed through the toy and furniture section a time or two but have been a bit hesitant to contact a stranger and possibly meet up with them to purchase or sell a personal item.  I’m one of those frightful kind of girls.  I tend to think the worst until proven otherwise.  This is through life experience that I have become this way.  I like to call it “cautious.”  😉

My plan is to go through our house and sell anything I can find that we don’t need or use.  I hear you can sell pretty much anything on Craigslist so I’m gonna test it out.  I am starting with our old Christmas tree.  It is a mammoth to say the least!  It no longer fits in our living room due to all of our stuff!  It is 11 years old, we paid $139.99 for it and I am putting it up for $40.  As I type that I feel the sudden urge to lower my price to $20!  We all value our own stuff much more than someone else, right?

I did not post a picture because its old and the box is so ugly that no one in their right mind would buy it if they saw it!  Anyway, what do I have to lose?  I hope to make a few extra bucks so I can make some extra room to put more toys.  ;)  I will be reporting my progress or massive failure so stay tuned!

I was buying groceries drinking my coke I had just bought at Chik-fil-a when Bree wanted a drink.  I reluctantly let her take a sip and told her she would have to drink her water.  She probably asked me 5 more times over the next 20 minutes and I finally explained that mommy’s drink was not good for her and that she would have to drink her water.  I suddenly realized what I had just told her!  I sat the cup down on the shelf right next to the pasta sauce and walked away.  I had been drinking something that was bad for me, my daughter and anyone else.  If she had a clue what I had just said to her that would have been a very bad message I was sending.  I’m sure there will be more soft drinks in my future along with high fructose corn syrup and many other things but I’m gonna be more conscience of it.  I think it may be impossible to love myself as much as I love my Bree but I’m gonna give it all I’ve got!

I was just at Wal-Mart running through trying to get groceries with 2 babies.  I do it at least once a week and it is never easy but it usually goes well.  Today I had a buggy full and Dj got choked a bit (nothing serious) and it caused him to vomit and vomit and vomit!  It was EVERYWHERE!  Poor guy started crying and was completely soaked.  I cleaned him up the best I could and headed to the check-out.  Not all of my groceries had been bought but the trip was definitely over at that point.  I was carrying DJ on my shoulder, Bree in the front, and loads of groceries in the back.  I made it to the front to check out and  a Wal-Mart employee met me at the registers, took my buggy and found me an empty line.  She proceeded to put all of my groceries on the belt and then loaded the bags back in for me, not letting me lift a finger.  She said for me to just take care of my sweet babies.

Her name was Rita.  While she took care of me and my babies, she talked to Bree so sweetly.  Bree instantly warmed up to her and was smiling.  She told me she remembered what it was like to have little ones.  She said hers were grown already.  I asked her how many children she had and she said “one daughter, well really two…I lost my son when he was 17 hours old”.  The expression on her face changed immediately.  It had to be at least 30 years ago when Rita lost her son but the pain was obviously still so fresh.  I told her I was sorry and that I couldn’t imagine how painful that would be.  She said, “you don’t ever want to imagine”.  She put the last bag in my buggy and walked around to see DJ’s face over my shoulder and told me what a beautiful boy I had.  I thanked and hugged her.  I cried all the way home thinking about how she was so giving to me and my babies and how much she had helped me.  Helping me with the groceries was huge but she made me count my blessings and hold onto my babies a little tighter.  I was thinking of what her young face must have looked like all those years ago and what a beautiful woman she was both inside and out.

Rita may be much older than me but the only thing that mattered to her is that we are both mothers, one girl and one boy.  She could have passed judgements as many of us do (me included) about many things I’m sure.  But I was a kindred spirit to her and I felt it.  I wanna be more open to other women, mothers especially.  Motherhood is the most wonderful thing I believe any woman can experience but at times we all need a helping hand.  Women seem to be so hard on one another.  Ghandi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world”.  I wanna be like Rita.

Well, its been a while but here I am!  Our sweet boy DJ is now 8 weeks old and its time for momma to take care of momma again!  I have realized how important it is for me to be not only healthy but strong so that I can take the very best care of my babies and feel good for myself.   I am the kinda woman that likes to have a plan (just ask Donnie).   So I needed a plan and a goal to work towards.  Yes, I can do push ups and lift weights but I need more of a vision than that to get to where I want to go.

So I called Wendy (my fab sister) yesterday and told her I needed a plan and of course I wanted her to join me.  We didn’t want to diet because that’s not our style, we want health and strength.  We decided to stick to healthy foods (but still not deprive ourselves of something we really want), drink 8 glasses of water a day, exercise 3 days a week for 30 minutes and then keep a daily conversation going about our progress.

Last night I started exercising and decided to put Bree in the marathon stroller and hit the road.  I ran/walked a couple of times around the block.  I felt great afterwards!  I started thinking about running in a race in a couple of months but then put it out of my head.  One hour later, I was watching tv and someone was training for and ran a 5k race.  hmmmm….  THEN, there was a scroll on the bottom of the screen telling you to go online to learn how to train for a 5k race!  SOOOOO…. October 9th, 2010, I will be running in the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure!  I am so excited!

I told Donnie I was gonna do something and would need his support.  He immediately said “anything, I don’t care what it is.”  What a great guy I have!  I called my sister and she is gonna join me.  I then called my dad who is a runner from way back and he is in as well!  This is gonna be fun and I am excited about having a goal to work towards that helps me get stronger and healthier.

I heard someone say this today and it sunk in pretty deep.  Being 36 weeks pregnant you don’t exactly fit the picture of beauty that the world has created.  Yes, some may see certain aspects of pregnancy as beautiful but only because of the sentimentality of it.  If I weren’t pregnant and 38 pounds heavier than my normal weight then I would be looked at as unattractive.  I don’t solely blame the media for this as some do because we the people are the ones who pay the media to portray what we think beauty should be.

I am bothered by these expectations on women more now that I am older and especially since I am raising a daughter of my own.  It is heartbreaking to think that one day Bree will see herself as not good enough or not pretty enough for something or someone as I have many times in my life.  I am realizing the only way to combat this problem for myself and her are to start now by changing my thoughts and the random things I say to myself and about myself.  It is so normal that I think most of us don’t even notice or realize how harsh we are with our very own hearts and beings.  This I’m sure will be a lifelong quest but I am ready for the journey.  I hope that more women can see themselves and all of the other women in their world as beautiful because of their kindness, love, devotion, strong will, good character, being a true and loyal friend.  I could go on and on but I’m sure you get my drift.  What is beautiful about you?  What is inside you and your heart that makes you – you?  Let’s celebrate those things and stop the critical comments to ourselves and about other women.

When I was a little girl my Nana always had the most beautiful dishes and glasses. We ate from fine china at most meals, kids included. I remember eating chili from fine china on a regular basis. Of course, at the time I had no idea what I was eating from. Years ago Nana gave me a set of her china (she has many) and all of those memories came flooding back. It wasn’t until then that I realized I really had grown up with a silver spoon in my mouth!! Another memory from Nana’s house was her “sexy glasses” that went with the beautiful china. Sexy glasses, that’s what I called any glass with a stem. To me, sexy meant fancy and boy did I love being fancy! Still do! If you stop by during breakfast you will most likely catch me drinking my daily orange juice in a sexy glass! It just feels so good! It changes your mood, makes you feel special and why pass up a moment to feel special?

So, a couple of years ago I was watching Giada de Laurentiis on the Food Network and she was mixing a recipe in the most beautiful bowl. I was taken back by how beautiful this bowl was and she was just using it to mix the food, not present it. She actually used another bowl to make her final presentation. I started paying attention and noticed she always used beautiful dishes for everything. I found myself wishing I had beautiful dishes like that to mix my food in and then it hit me!! Why can’t I??? Me and my kitchen are just as deserving right? Right! I decided then that there was no reason to use a dish that wasn’t absolutely gorgeous! So, I shared this with my friend Pam, a fellow foodie of mine (among other things), and she bought me my first bowl to start me on the road to gorgeous dishes! My sister in law, Sara has given me several beautiful dishes over the years that I treasure. Its a passion that we seem to share. And lets not leave Nana out, she has given me many of those dishes that I grew up with that hold a special place in my heart. I decided I wouldn’t throw out all of my dishes and go out and buy all new stuff. I wanted it to be something fabulous that I just came across randomly and didn’t want to live without. I don’t like having more than I need because it makes me feel cluttered and overwhelmed, so as you collect, get rid of things that don’t feel special to you, there’s no reason to use anything that doesn’t make you feel great!  Don’t settle because it serves a function, make it great every time.

What one may see as beautiful may not be so for another but this is all about you! I have many dishes that are beautiful to me because of a memory that it recalls or because of the person who gave me the dish makes me smile when I use it. Beauty is very broad in my opinion.  Serve your boxed macaroni and cheese in the most fancy bowl you have! Mix your cookies in the dish you love the most. Why not? Use it for yourself and those around you every day!  We always deserve to feel great in whatever we are doing, no matter how routine. You never know you might even feel sexy!!

A few of my favorites:

I have been reading  a wonderful book by Elizabeth Gilbert lately.  She spent four months of her life devoted to experiencing pleasure.  Not only did she set out to experience real pleasure in her life but she chose to do so in Italy.  She is my kind of lady!  Who knows pleasure more than the Italians?  She writes that the Italians realize that they live in such a corrupt world that the only thing that one should trust is their very own senses.  It seems that this is why the Italians are so devoted to perfecting those special things in life, such as cooking, eating, sharing time with loved ones and so on.  When you eat a perfect meal or experience a perfect kiss, you know and feel true pleasure, there is no mystery or question, it just is.  I was inspired by these thoughts.

I want more pleasure in my life and plan to make that happen for myself, but more importantly I don’t want to let those perfect, pleasurable moments pass me by that I already experience everyday.  Waking up next to my soul mate, seeing my baby girls sleepy face and crazy hair when she wakes up every morning, an afternoon nap, Bree’s laughter, Donnie’s humor (and beautiful dimples), a warm shower, a good book, the moment Donnie gets home from work, a perfect latte, a song that makes me dance, chocolate, laying down at night next to Donnie…these are just a handful of things that bring me true pleasure that I get to experience every day.  I really am living la dolce vita.